Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

This may sound petty, but I want your opinion.  My husband and I were at a small gathering at someone’s house and musicians were performing.  My husband got up for a moment to get a beverage, and a man immediately moved down the bench that they were sitting on and took my husband’s seat.  His wife then moved next to him, leaving my husband without anywhere to sit.  Do you think this is rude?

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

I do think this is rude.  The man should have asked you if your husband was going to return, or he should have looked out for your husband to return and offer to give him his seat back. 

 

 

 

 

 

 Dear Mrs. McVeigh,

My husband’s stepfather does not have any children of his own, has been in my husband’s family his whole adult life, and is the most involved grandfather to our children.  My mother-in-law invited us over Sunday to celebrate Father’s Day, and when my husband’s biological father found out we went to their house before going to his house, he was very hurt and upset.  He barely spoke to us the rest of the day after we mentioned where we had been.

 

Were we wrong to do this?  Should we have celebrated with the stepfather another day?  We have a good relationship with my mother and father-in-law, and they get along okay too, but this seemed to really hurt my father-in-laws feelings.

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

 I think it is fine that you went to both the father and stepfather’s houses to celebrate Father’s Day.  I suggest your husband has a talk with his biological dad and see why it bothers him so much.  If he says that this man was not your husband’s father, your husband can explain that it is more for the grandchildren, and that this is your way of thanking him for being a part of your children’s lives.  Moving forward if you want to go to the stepfather’s house again next year, I think you have every right to do so.  Hopefully your husband’s biological father will understand your point of view and accept it.

 My husband and I are at an end of the season sports team party for one of our sons.  The coach just finished giving his speech and congratulating the team. Kids are done eating, are suddenly restless, and start to run around the tables and the restaurant.  I look at my husband and tell him to quickly say his goodbyes!  I grab my two children and make a beeline for the door before my children decide that they cannot resist the fun.          After that scene I think back to all of the times that I have had to make a quick exit out of a place.  When my three kids were little - to my friends’ dismay - I was the mom who actually carried out my threats to leave playgroup if my kids did not behave.  After a few incidents I learned to leave even faster before my kids could make an even bigger scene with a temper tantrum in front of everyone.  Now that they are older if they have an issue and are about to lose it, I quietly coach them to “keep it together” until we get to the car. Does this cut into my fun and social time when I am out?  Yes, but I feel like it is a parent’s job to make sure that his or her children don’t ruin a good time for other people. The temptation is to take the child aside and give him “one more chance” - about five times - but that obviously does not work.          Why does it seem that parents think it is acceptable for young people to misbehave in public?  Why as parents do we push the limit and put our fun and enjoyment before others?  I know you want to finish your meal but please be aware that other people are not enjoying their meals if your child is misbehaving.  If I see someone trying hard to disipline his child in a public setting, I never feel resentful of the child disrupting the restaurant or event.  Children need to be put into public situations so they can learn how to behave.  I do find it disturbing when a child is allowed to be rude or loud in a public place and the parents just ignore him or her. I understand how hard it is to deal with children in public and how it is to feel so beaten down.  I am the mom who used to go to the mall the next suburb over so when my kids acted up I did not run into anyone that I knew.  When the television show Desperate Housewives first came on, as my kids are acting up in the grocery store, complete strangers would pass by and comment how my life is like the housewife with the three nightmare sons.  My kids and my parenting skills are obviously far from perfect, but I try to find the balance in when to stay at the public place and do my best with them, and when to abandon my mission and abort immediately.  It has been hard to miss out on a lot of fun, but now that my kids are older, I am starting to see the results of my suffering. If you make a quick exit when they are young, children will see that their behav ...

          A reader (“Jane”) recently emailed me about being invited to a co-worker’s (“Sally”) baby shower. Ladies in their office have given Jane baby showers for all of five children of her children, which has meant one shower per year.  Jane said she is merely an acquaintance of Sally, but feels that she has to attend the shower.  The factors include it is taking place during lunch in the office conference room, and Sally’s office is two offices away from Jane. Jane feels like she cannot skip another oneit without appearing rude.  On top of that, the hosts of the shower asked everyone for money towards the lunch that is taking place during the shower.  Jane (and a lot of her co-workers) is very frustrated about the whole situation, and I can understand why.

         The official etiquette on baby showers beyond the first baby is if there is a second baby, then only close friends and family should be invited to a shower.  The exception to this is if there are a lot of years between the two children.  I think an additional exception should be if you know that the second baby is a different gender. 

If you have a friend who is pregnant and already has children, and you would like to do something nice for her, a “sip and see” has become a common way to celebrate the birth of a child.  It is a party that takes place shortly after the baby has arrived, and friends and family gather to take a peak at the baby and congratulate the mom.  If you have not given the mother a new baby gift, then this is a perfect opportunity to give her one.  If you already have, then an additional gift is not necessary.  If someone offers to give you a shower and you already have a child, it would be fine to ask for a sip and see instead.

As for a shower in the office, I think a shower with co-workers taking place after work hours in a venue other than the office is more appropriate.  One shower per co-worker should be sufficient, and those who volunteer to host the shower should cover the cost of refreshments.  This way no one is pressured to participate in this non-related work event.